In early November, I was having a particularly crappy day and decided to listen to Christmas music. Over the past years I have grown to really love Christmas ... mostly because of the decorations, I admit. Anyway, while listening to the Rat Pack Does Christmas, I decided Josiah and I would hold a holiday dessert party. The month leading up to the event was a pain in the ass, but it ended up being a blast. My mom and I ended up making at least 15 desserts, and tons of guests brought stuff to share as well. It couldn't have gone better. Somehow Josiah and I fit around 45 people in our sub-800 square foot house. It was a ton of fun! It was exciting for Josiah and I to host our first event at our new downtown home. I can't wait to play hostess again!
Our registries are finally solidified. Well they are more gelatinous, but they are in the process of getting there. So far we have dishes, silverware, towels, a down comforter and pillows, some kitchen electrics and random crap. That is an accomplishment to me. We picked out some glasses, but I didn't actually like them. I later read their terrible reviews on Crate and Barrel's site, so I deleted them. I guess glassware is TBA haha.
As for now, here are some of the things we enjoyed. Josiah went crazy on coffee and wine accessories and consequently they make up half of our registry.
Direct quote: "I could spend all day here [in C&B]. I want everything."
Anyway, here are a couple things I am particularly stoked about. Some thoughts: 1. It would be nice to get rid of my elementary school TV stand. 2. Martha Stewart's collection is too cute to handle. I had to refrain from scanning every blue and red cooking accessory on the planet. 3. Someone please buy me the Sonicare. I want it. In my mouth.
Oh boy, I've been absent. Good thing is, Josiah and I have spent the past two days at the mall, registering. Finally! I've only been waiting for this for what seems like a century ... waiting and dreading ha.
To be honest, the process went way, way better than I could have expected. Josiah and I had a little mishap earlier in the week that made me really not look forward to finding stuff we both like. Turns out Jo hated every dish set I liked. And he wanted white. And then I cried. (Not really.)
But, after talking to Amanda (aka best maid of honor/friend/woman/educator in the world), I realized that I could get over my hatred for white. So I did. At least, I did when I found these:
I used to be really excited about thinking of cool things for the wedding. I think I'm out of ideas. I don't like looking at wedding blogs anymore because it's kind of depressing. I don't know how these people have the time, money, imagination, etc. to come up with such beautiful weddings.
Tomorrow I go pick up my wedding dress. Hopefully that will spark my excitement about the wedding again. At this point I just want it to pass.
No matter how stressed and worried and pissed and upset I can be, I can really appreciate a day like today. I may have exclaimed, "I HATE EVERYONE. PEOPLE ARE RUDE!!!" about 58 times on my drive home to my mom, but things can get better. I just have to let them.
I wish I could be excited for the wedding, but times like these just stress me out. I'm not sure how I'm going to get it together in less than four months. I wish the wedding was actually about Josiah and I getting married. It's sad that people tend to lose sight of what our wedding is about. Myself included.
I want to be excited. I want to not worry. I want to not worry about everyone else. This wedding is about Josiah and I. Call me selfish, but that's what it comes down to.
I'm tired of worrying about other people. About money. About appearances. About feelings. You can only spend so much time on other people and things before you start suffering yourself. I've had to remind myself of this too many times.
Times like these also make me really thankful. Thankful for Josiah, who will be an amazing husband. Thankful for my mom who puts up with my crap every minute of every day. Thankful for Amanda who is a world away but is still there for me no matter what. Thankful for Sara who is the best cousin and friend I could ever ask for. Thankful for Bethany who keeps me sane and grounded despite my impractical reasoning. And thankful, maybe most of all, for Noah who loves me no matter what, and always will.