I wish I could be excited for the wedding, but times like these just stress me out. I'm not sure how I'm going to get it together in less than four months. I wish the wedding was actually about Josiah and I getting married. It's sad that people tend to lose sight of what our wedding is about. Myself included.
I want to be excited. I want to not worry. I want to not worry about everyone else. This wedding is about Josiah and I. Call me selfish, but that's what it comes down to.
I'm tired of worrying about other people. About money. About appearances. About feelings. You can only spend so much time on other people and things before you start suffering yourself. I've had to remind myself of this too many times.
Times like these also make me really thankful. Thankful for Josiah, who will be an amazing husband. Thankful for my mom who puts up with my crap every minute of every day. Thankful for Amanda who is a world away but is still there for me no matter what. Thankful for Sara who is the best cousin and friend I could ever ask for. Thankful for Bethany who keeps me sane and grounded despite my impractical reasoning. And thankful, maybe most of all, for Noah who loves me no matter what, and always will.